maraudeath:

Snakes In A Chat

Literally wrote this ages ago and I had no idea where to go with it and then this happened

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Sirius Black to Once A Bedwetter Always A Bedwetter: who wants to know some juicy gossip??????

Remus Lupin: The last time you said you had gossip it turned out to be that you had switched shampoos and the new ones was much better than the old one

Sirius Black: okay so whats your point????

James Potter: What’s the New Gossip

Sirius Black: my new shampoo has made me realize that the old shampoo is actually 10x better!!!! can you believe it?????

James Potter: I really put my trust in you here

Remus Lupin: You’re on thin fucking ice Black

Sirius Black: you guys never appreciate me im taking this to someone who will actually care

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Lily Evans to James Potter: Please inform Black that if he texts me about his shampoo one more time I’m calling the police

James Potter: Evans you’re the only one who cares enough to listen

Lily Evans: Im about to gouge my own eyes out hes texted me 29 times about it make. It. Stop.

James Potter: Impressive usually he stops after 15

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Peter Pettigrew to Snow White is the worst princess therefore Remus is Snow White: Can someone come get us? Sirius is walking around screaming and I don’t know where anyone went

James Potter: Where did you guys go?

Remus Lupin: You should have thought about this before he had that last shot

Peter Pettigrew: I couldn’t stop him and you guys were lost!!

James Potter: We’re all coming in Evans car just try to keep him in one place

Peter Pettigrew: I may have lost him…

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Lily Evans to Sirius Black: why is there a traffic pylon in my kitchen

Sirius Black: first of all your kitchen is the biggest

Sirius Black: second of all I thought that said python and I was very confused

Lily Evans: I wish it was a python

Sirius Black: pylon the python

Lily Evans: !!!

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James Potter to wake me up (wAKe mE Up INsIde): who the hell made lily want a snake?!?

James Potter: she won’t stop talking about it but won’t say which one of you did this

Remus Lupin: maybe it’s because T Swift rebranded with all those snakes and lily likes her

Sirius Black: okay don’t call her T Swift as if you’re friends with her

Sirius Black: shes MUCH too good for you

Peter Pettigrew: my cousin is good friends with Taylor Swift

Remus Lupin: WHAT

Sirius Black: WHY HAVE YOU NEVER TOLD US THIS

James Potter: WHO PROMISED LILY A FUCKING PYTHON

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Peter Pettigrew to Sirius Black: my cousin won’t let us meet her

Peter Pettigrew: she doesn’t trust any of us

Sirius Black: that’s rude she doesn’t even know us

Peter Pettigrew: she said she’s seen my snap stories and therefore has a formed opinion

Sirius Black: this is all your fault

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Lily Evans to Sirius Black: have you found a snake guy yet???

Sirius Black: hOLy shIt Evans it’s only been an hour!!

Sirius Black: of course I’ve found one he’ll bring it round on Thursday at 3

Lily Evans: brill

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Lily Evans: come round mine at Thursday around like 4 I wanna have a meal without your friends making a bloody mess of everything

James Potter: aw babe!!!

James Potter: can I bring Sirius??

Lily Evans: blocked

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Sirius Black to the one without James and with Evans: anyone who wants to see James wet his pants come to Evans around 3 tomorrow

Remus Lupin: are we about to find out what this python shit is all about????

Lily Evans: :)

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James Potter to James has 1 million views on YouTube when do we start getting paid: BuzzFeed just contacted me to do a story on all this

James Potter: wankers

Sirius Black: Evans and I do all the work and YOU get all the fame?!

James Potter: it almost KILLED me

Peter Pettigrew: did it even open its mouth???

Remus Lupin: it just gave him a look of disappointment which is what he gets from us daily anyway

Sirius Black: AND HE CRIED

James Potter: IN A COOL WAY

Sirius Black: stop trying to be Harry Styles he’s 10x the man you’ll ever be

Peter Pettigrew: my cousin is friends with Harry Styles

Sirius Black: SERIOUSLY MATE YOU NEED TO START LETTING US MEET YOUR COUSINS

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James Potter to Lily Evans: I got recognized today as the wimp who was scared of that snake

Lily Evans: I love that for you

James Potter: literally can’t believe you’ve betrayed me like this

Lily Evans: <3

James Potter: </3

Lily Evans: wanna make out??

James Potter: obviously

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Sirius Black to Lily Evans: did you know James has a horrible fear of spiders???

Lily Evans: on craigslist as we speak

Sirius Black: I was hoping you’d say that